Attn: white people: fuck more! (pt. 1)

Hey white people, stop oppressing me for a few minutes and read up: in a few more years, you might be your own special kind of minority. The NYT confirms it: soon enough, ethnic and racial minorities will form a combined majority of the population. They've been writing this shit since I was a kid so I would have guessed it either would've happened by now or that even the most racist fucks would've begun to come to grips with the notion.

But life is hard when you're white, rich, and paranoid, so it just doesn't work out that easily. Thank God you have a blog so you don't have to keep the stuff of your most haunting nightmares to yourself.

Whenever news like this causes just such a freakout, it's usually best to ignore the halfhearted cries for full on racial warfare that still come from increasingly isolated fringes. Frankly I prefer they be left alone to smear shit on each other's faces in peace. Makes it easier for all of us, really.

Rather than just concede that they're pissed off that the blacks and browns are outfucking them, most onlookers are expressing their irritation by cunningly diverting their fear of change into a fear of widespread social ills that they usually had preferred to ignore but which are convenient to pull out if it helps to bring those guys down a notch. Take John Derbyshire, star commentator of the premiere conservative publication, the National Review, who totally understands race; he watches the VH1 after all:

The black-white test gap seems to be intractable. Hispanic school success has been tracked across four generations, with depressing results [...].

So… in order to ensure we don't end up mid-century with "a very, very poor disposable class that's largely black or brown," we merely have to do a thing that nobody knows how to do.

Perhaps we could produce time travel, cold fusion, and personal immortality while we're at it?

Dick.

Call me a skeptic but I don't really think that Derb's heartfelt concern here is for the millions of undereducated nonwhite children running around. His heartfelt concern is that the millions of undereducated nonwhite children might one day try to steal his Blackberry.

So okay, blacks and Hispanics will never catch up to white kids, ergo more of them = bad. Never mind extreme economic disparities, underfunded and overcrowded schools, unemployment rates, or underpaid teachers. Forget all that shit: something is just wrong with those people--but we're a mainstream publication, so we can't just say that, but you know what we mean, wink nudge.